Hallelujah, Big Ben Has Retired

I liked Ben Roethlisberger. Ohio born, Ohio raised, Ohio colleged.

Then Big Ben got drafted by the Steelers, grew this shitty goatee, started riding motorcycles and did whatever he did in that bathroom. Oh, he also started beating the shit out of the Cleveland Browns every chance he got.

Big Ben started his career 11-0 against the Browns en route to a 25-3-1 mark overall. Even terrible Ben at the end of his career was beating the Browns. For the longest time he had won the most games in the history of the Cleveland Browns Stadium. It sucked. Like Pedro Martinez once said, ‘sometimes you have to tip your hat and call him your daddy.’

Seemingly, that nightmare is now over. Big Ben announced his retirement this morning on his Instagram. Thankfully, Mason Rudolph has the most hateable face in the world, so it won’t be hard to transition the venom to the new regime.

Ben is a Hall of Famer; probably first ballot. My one wish going forward is that Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers both retire this season. It would be amazing if Big Ben were the third-best quarterback in his own HoF class.


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