Anders Reranks the 68 Tournament Teams

68. Wisconsin – I hate Wisconsin.

67. Michigan – I hate Michigan.

66. Alabama – I hate Alabama. PS, Jahvon Quinerly is a joke.

65. Winthrop – Might lose by 50.

64. Georgetown – They won the BE Tournament. Good for them.

63. St. Bonaventure – They lost me a lot of money by winning the A10.

62. Mount St. Mary’s – Eh.

61. Abilene Christian – Eh.

60. Clemson – No comment.

59. Texas Tech – Chris Beard is the worst.

58. Gonzaga – A friend of mine met Mark Few in Vegas and said he was a dick. I believe it.

57. Norfolk State – Norfolk isn’t a state.

56. Wichita State – Wichita isn’t a state.

55. San Diego State – San Diego isn’t a state. Shoutout Kawhi.

54. BYU – Do a drug, drink a beer, do a sex. Nerds.

53. Texas – New Shaka…

52. VCU – Not as good as old Shaka.

51. Drake – DRAKE!?!

50. Colgate – More of a Crest guy myself.

49. LSU – Will Wade: American Gangster.

48. North Carolina – Their kids don’t go to class.

47. Iona – Pitino is a cheat, but damn is he entertaining.

46. Syracuse – Should be in the Big East. Sellouts.

45. Maryland – Should be in the ACC. Sellouts.

44. Rutgers – What a joke.

43. Purdue – West Lafayette, Ind.

42. Iowa – Luka Garza has a big, dumb face.

41. Florida – Still not over the 2007 title game.

40. Texas Southern – South down.

39. North Texas – North up.

38. UCLA – Overrated ‘blue blood’.

37. Kansas – Overrated ‘blue blood’.

36. Baylor – How does Yale outrebound Baylor?

35. Utah State – Whatever.

34. Eastern Washington – Whatever.

33. Hartford – They made the Tod Kowalczyk ineptitude stat just a little bit better.

32. UNC Greensboro – They probably have good weather this time of the year.

31. UC Santa Barbara – They probably have good weather all year.

30. Liberty – Ever seen the Statue of Liberty at night?

29. Oklahoma State – Remember when Marcus Smart shoved that fan?

28. Houston – Phi Slama Jama.

27. Virginia Tech – If Virginia Tech is Va Tech…

26. Georgia Tech – Shouldn’t Georgia Tech be Ga Tech?

25. Grand Canyon – Is the college in the canyon? I’m confused.

24. Missouri – Sweet jerseys and Phil Pressey.

23. Oregon – Sweet jerseys and Payton Pritchard.

22. Tennessee – They still have good vibes from the Gus Duggerton run to a championship.

21. Oregon State – I like to say Corvallis.

20. Illinois – Illinois is awesome. They’ve got a guy named Cockburn too and that’s funny.

19. Colorado – They used to employ one of my friends. Good in my book.

18. Michigan State – They used to employ that same friend. Good in my book.

17. Florida State – I like Leonard Hamilton. He always knows the spread.

16. Oklahoma – I like Lon Kruger.

15. Arkansas – I like Eric Musselman. Muss Bus.

14. West Virginia – Like Drake, Huggy Bear likes his girls BBW. If you know, you know.

13. Loyola Chicago – They won me a good chunk of change for their Final Four run.

12. Appalachian State – I’ll always show love to the Mountaineers. 34-32.

11. Oral Roberts – Everybody loves Oral.

10. Morehead State – Everybody loves Morehead.

9. Drexel – Philadelphia in the building! City Six team in this bitch!

8. Ohio – If they only play on Tuesday or Wednesday night, they’ll never lose. #MACtion

7. Cleveland State – The State of Cleveland. Shoutout Norris Cole III.

6. Creighton – Somewhere in middle America.

5. UConn – They have an athletic trainer that I’ve had a crush on forever. Top 5.

4. USC – Best graphic designer in the country works at USC. Look good, play good. #FightOn

3. Virginia – I’d rather win ugly than lose pretty.

2. Ohio State – OH…

1. Villanova – Another title coming back to the Main Line. See you at Kelly’s.


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