Mailbag Answer: CrimeDawg’s Take on Modern Dating

I literally, have no idea who wrote this in or why they would want my take on modern dating or what my ideal date would be. With that being said, I’m tremendously flattered. Is it probably a prank of some sort? I’d take those odds. But, it also could be a nice lady asking for some genuine advice from the CrimeDawg.

Before I get started, I’d like to make the following disclaimer.

“The following stories and depictions are fictional and do not depict any actual person(s) or event(s).” Thanks Dick Wolf.

With that out of the way, let me say, Welcome back to the world of being single! The biggest piece of advice I have is, enjoy your season of singleness. This is a time to adjust, re-evaluate, adapt, and eventually grow. Especially straight out of a relationship. Whether that’s developing a new morning and nightly routine or finding new hobbies – I think it’s important to find yourself. Myself, I’ve gotten into reading again and I’ve been doing Yoga With Adriene on the YouTube.

Now that I said that, let’s get to the gravy.

Now dating in modern times is not as easy as it used to be. At least in the old movies, I’ve watched, it used to be as easy as well here’s an example:

Now, before you go out on the prowl, I think it’s important to know what you’re looking for because if you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up someplace else. Being newly single, it might be hard to know what you’re looking for. Are you looking for a rebound? Are you looking for fun, just take your mind off of things? Are you looking to go into another relationship?  These are questions you should ask yourself. If you don’t know the answer no fret. Sometimes the best way to find what you’re looking for, is to figure out what you’re NOT looking for. Process of Elimination. Allow me to introduce you to some people I tend to avoid if possible.

The Serial Monogamist – I first heard this term listening to Dax Shepard’s podcast, ‘The Armchair Expert’ – these are the people who jump from relationship to relationship. You might know a few, you might be friends with a few, hell you might be one. I’m not here to judge. I’m just saying, developing a relationship is extremely intimate, and to enter one with someone who hops around from one to another is setting yourself up to be back here reading this blog.

The Stage 5 Clinger –

This one is pretty self-explanatory.

Next, we have a common phrase you may have heard before, I’m honestly still not sure if I know what it means –

“Talking”- This phrase has been around for as long as I can remember. If a friend answers “we’re talking” to a question about a girl, that is the equivalent of when a free agent goes into a meeting with a team. They’re in talks.

This is something you heard in school and didn’t think it would actually bleed over to the real world but it has.

Now, I think the single biggest piece of advice I have is to be an open communicator. Allow me to explain, if you’re on a date with someone and all you want to do is go home and jump their bones and never talk to them again, tell them that. If it’s mutual than no one gets hurt.

If you’re on a date and decide you don’t want to go on another, respectively wait till the end and then if they ask for another one, rip that bandaid off,  speak your truth. If they dont ask till its over, via phone call, text or direct message, that makes it easier to rip it off. This doesn’t leave the person with false hope and allows them to move on. Throw in a reason if you’re feeling generous, ya know coach em up a bit. A common one I get is, “I don’t like your blog, I think it’s stupid”.

Now, to the next question,, as a single man myself, I need to take the time to self-promote the brand (that’s me, I’m the brand). I’m proud to say I’ve been dating app free since 2019 – no knock on those who end up marrying their tinder matches though, you do you! I just think for the most part people use the apps as a way of instant gratification.

My ideal date is an ever-moving pendulum but here are the basics:  FUN, relaxed, simple and cost-effective. Some of the best dates I’ve gone on were over a couple of beers (back in my drinking days) and fried pickles. Getting a coffee and taking a walk sounds like a beautiful time. A little kayaking trip down a river? That’s a summertime staple.

Here’s the spark notes:
1) figure out what you want
2) Communicate what you want
3) have fun

I hope this helps and I hope this helps anyone else out there trying to figure out this world of dating we created


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